Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Tour de Faaahraaance!

Let there be yellow glitter nail polish. Cue the unicorns and rainbows, I’m going to the Tour de France next week!


My travels begin in Luxembourg where I’ll meet up with my Sherpa. Somewhere in a country the size of a bejeweled postage stamp, Fränk Schleck is thinking to himself, “Thank Johan I got banned from the Tour this year because I’m quite tired of seeing that silly woman from Texas loitering around the bus.” I always feel like such a stalker whenever I go to Luxembourg or to the bus. Anyhow…


From Luxembourg we drive to Nice where we’ll take a ferry to Corsica. Thanks to H&M Austin, I have two cute new bikinis to don on the beach. Thanks to a year of eating ice cream for dinner, my visible cellulite is tagging along too. But, if this trip is anything like the last time I went to Europe, I’ll have a serious case of Fränk ribs within four days of arrival (and still have cellulite on the back of my thighs – thanks genetics). Ok that’s enough self-deprecating comments for the time being.


After Corsica, we head back to France and follow the show! For lodging, we’ll be doing a combination of camping and hotels. Honestly, I’d sleep on the sidewalk and not shower for a month if necessary. I don’t know how cute I would like by the time we arrived in Paris, but it could make for some interesting blog posts.


Anyhow, for a sleeping bag, I’m taking the REI Flash sleeping bag (For gear nuts: and for deal freaks, I bought mine at the winter clearance sale for $170). It’s a down-synthetic blend that weighs in at a whopping 1lb 11oz. Seriously, I’m bring a maxi dress that weighs that much.


While we’re on the subject of gear, I’m bringing the same backpack as last time, the REI Flash 65 for Women ( and I’ll admit to paying full price for it two and a half years ago). In the small size, it weighs 2lbs 14oz and my favorite feature of the backpack is that it’s simple and because it lacks a dozen small exterior pockets, it’s difficult for thieves to steal your stuff.


Of course, I’m bringing my bike, a Specialized Ruby with Gator skin tires (because getting flats in the middle of nowhere sucks) in a Thule clamshell. It’s unwieldy and heavy, but it fell down a flight of stairs more than once and my bike was unharmed. Totally worth the weight. So that’s enough gear for now.


Our travel plans are somewhat flexible. I’d love to maximize every minute of this trip. I’ll be blogging for the entire journey. Silliness must be maximized. I’m collecting a list of things I need to do and photos I need to take. Tell me what to do, Twitter!


At the top of the list is a better photo with Stuey O’Grady. Not kidding, a loop of hair had snagged on my ponytail and was sticking out from my head. I really need to get a better photo before he retires. It’s also been suggested that I crash the press room at the Tour de France, which I might seriously consider trying to do as long as the odds are exceptionally low that I’ll be arrested instead of just tossed out on my bum.


Leaving out lewd, lascivious and illegal conduct, what else should I do during the Tour de France?




* I’m not affiliated with REI. I’m just a customer who likes their products.


  1. Take the opportunity to ride in Luxembourg. We have some fantastic riding here and it's a great way to see the country. Bring wet weather gear though, we're having fairly unpredictable weather.

  2. I hope you have the time of your life